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Connections. Reconnections.
Dec. 9th, 2014 11:30 amHaving been on Facebook a lot for quite a while has brought a lot of people I don't know so well closer. Which is cool!
I only realised recently though, that one side effect has been that it has made my closest friends more distant. There is a variety of reasons for this. Some have moved away, now have kids, etc. Some I got to know through years of long emails back and forth. We don't do that anymore so have lapsed. Livejournal feels a bit like a largely abandoned hotel. Also people don't ring for a chat much anymore. Or pop in for a cuppa. This leads to getting out of the habit of getting diaries out arranging meet ups. Odd too that with FaceTime/Skype I have the means to see/chat with friends & family all over the world for free! Yet I never do. Tell that to someone in the 70s! One of my best old friends who moved away rang me out of the blue some weeks ago and hearing that voice was such good medicine!
So... In the last month or so I have started trying to be more real with close friends by using email/phone/visits/FaceTime. It's a bit weird at first and more complicated than you might think. One has to set up a new dynamic that isn't naturally in place. It's a bit artificial to start with - not unlike meeting up with an ex for the first few times as friends. A close distant past, too much new stuff since to catch up on, and not enough recent shared history. You just kind of have to start with chitchat from now and let other stuff come up in time.
Then there is how often to contact. This is kind of my agenda, not theirs, so contact tends to always come from me. Don't want to seem needy and don't want to bug them.
Hopefully things will find their own level, and so far it has really felt special connecting more to those I feel a genuine connection with. Grounding.
I've also been trying to spend more time developing new closer chums, though that is a longer process. The nice thing with old chums is that you don't have to keep explaining what you're like all the time. They just know...
Think I'll go and ring someone now for a chat :-)
I only realised recently though, that one side effect has been that it has made my closest friends more distant. There is a variety of reasons for this. Some have moved away, now have kids, etc. Some I got to know through years of long emails back and forth. We don't do that anymore so have lapsed. Livejournal feels a bit like a largely abandoned hotel. Also people don't ring for a chat much anymore. Or pop in for a cuppa. This leads to getting out of the habit of getting diaries out arranging meet ups. Odd too that with FaceTime/Skype I have the means to see/chat with friends & family all over the world for free! Yet I never do. Tell that to someone in the 70s! One of my best old friends who moved away rang me out of the blue some weeks ago and hearing that voice was such good medicine!
So... In the last month or so I have started trying to be more real with close friends by using email/phone/visits/FaceTime. It's a bit weird at first and more complicated than you might think. One has to set up a new dynamic that isn't naturally in place. It's a bit artificial to start with - not unlike meeting up with an ex for the first few times as friends. A close distant past, too much new stuff since to catch up on, and not enough recent shared history. You just kind of have to start with chitchat from now and let other stuff come up in time.
Then there is how often to contact. This is kind of my agenda, not theirs, so contact tends to always come from me. Don't want to seem needy and don't want to bug them.
Hopefully things will find their own level, and so far it has really felt special connecting more to those I feel a genuine connection with. Grounding.
I've also been trying to spend more time developing new closer chums, though that is a longer process. The nice thing with old chums is that you don't have to keep explaining what you're like all the time. They just know...
Think I'll go and ring someone now for a chat :-)
